I realized I had been surrounded by people, yet profoundly alone in my walk with God. And when the realization came, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am a natural extrovert. My mother recalls me being 3 and talking to animals and being 4 and telling everyone who would listen that I am going to kindergarten the following year. The only trouble I ever got in at school was due to my talking (and passing notes).
I had always loved, maybe even craved, connection, laughter, and shared experiences. And I liked being the person who could put the shyest person in the room at ease.
But slowly, I began to notice something unsettling: my friendships, my dating life, even casual hangouts were quietly pulling me away from the stillness I desperately needed to hear God. I never gave up or ran away from being Catholic, but surely God wouldn’t condemn me for being too tired for Mass on a Sunday because of my social life?
At first, it didn’t feel dramatic. I justified it with good intentions. “I’m connecting with people. I’m being present in the world. I’m young – YOLO”.
Because I was still on the ‘right side’ of socializing … no addictions, casual sex, or law enforcement involved, I convinced myself that my way was okay.
But beneath the surface, I was running on autopilot, chasing approval, affirmation, and comfort. My spiritual life felt dry, not because God was distant, but because I was constantly surrounded by noise that drowned out His whisper. I didn’t have the time for Him because of a simple fact. I didn’t make the time for Him.
I had to make a choice. To cultivate the intimacy with God I longed for, I needed stillness. And to create that stillness, I had to radically change how I socialized.
Here’s what that looked like in practice:
1. Hanging out in bars and lounges
The music, the flashy clothes, the men who weren’t serious, it was all noise. I realized these spaces were draining rather than nourishing me. I began saying no to shallow nights out and yes to experiences that fed my soul: the opera, ballet, art galleries, and live symphony or jazz performances. These moments of beauty and culture became my new social lifeline. And because they didn’t happen as often, I had more time for my walk with God.
2. Worldly or secular friendships
Some say, “Jesus hangs out with sinners,” but too often, that’s an excuse to stay in relationships that pull you away from God. I chose friends who shared my faith, or at least deeply respected it. That included women from other religions, like Jewish or Muslim friends, as long as they understood and honored my values. I sought friendships that encouraged spiritual growth, not compromise. I had less friends in terms of quantity but gained better friends in terms of quality.
3. Casual dating or the secular approach to relationships
I had to reject the worldly idea that dating is about “having fun, gaining experience, or testing vibes.” I decided to date intentionally: from the very start, a man had to be Christian, share my values, and want the same long-term goals. Any man who didn’t align, even if handsome, wealthy, or kind, was a no. It seemed radical, but it was necessary for my heart and my walk with God.
This journey wasn’t easy. It was lonely at times … it still is. I questioned whether I had gone too far, whether I was being too rigid or dogmatic. But slowly, the stillness I had been seeking began to transform me. I could pray without distraction. I could hear God’s voice clearly. And I discovered that relationships rooted in intention and shared faith were far more fulfilling than any fleeting connection I had once chased.
Looking back, I see that this radical shift wasn’t just about avoiding distractions. It was about creating space for God to move freely in my life. Stepping back from the noise wasn’t withdrawal but was preparation. Preparation for deeper intimacy, for relationships that truly mattered, and for a life guided by intention rather than impulse.
The stillness I had once feared became the sanctuary where my soul could finally breathe and where God could be heard most clearly.
Guest Author: YourCatholicBff
